VIDEO | "Nothing made me happy": Mia Kostova honest about fighting anxiety and depression

Mia Kostova
Mia Kostova open for mental health / Photo: Screenshot, Instagram

Mia Kostova is one of the most recognizable television personalities in our country and one of the most influential people on social networks. Honesty is its main characteristic, even when it speaks on topics that, unfortunately, are still taboo in our society.

Mia has been talking openly about her mental health for some time, namely that she is facing anxiety, panic attacks and depression. But, in her last post on social networks, she shared the most intimate moments from the fight against these conditions.

"The first time, I called my mother and told her I was dying, to come… My mother found me in the fetal position and asked me what I had taken, carried me in her arms and took me to the emergency center. Well, when they gave me an infusion, I looked at the needle and I panicked because they put it on me. I was attached to the ECG, my mother is shaking from the side. An elderly doctor passed by and told my mother, 'This girl is not here, get her upstairs and take her to a psychiatrist.'

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

After the first panic attack, she faced severe panic attacks for years.

"Then I started thinking that when I go out to a disco I might get sick again. This went on for years. I had serious panic attacks. Who will save me if I fall, if I die, I did not even go on some trips for such fear. After years of serious struggle with myself, a psychiatrist prescribed me serious pills. But when I read more about the pills, I realized that I have neither suicidal thoughts nor a series of other conditions for which the pills are intended. Then somehow I started to help myself and deal with panic attacks, not to sacrifice travel and going out. "I went against the panic attack and I said to myself, 'Come on, fall, what if you fall, someone will help you' and I learned to live with the fear of panic attacks."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

Mia says her panic attacks have decreased with pregnancy.

"That over-care for someone else helped me because my focus was on someone else. All the responsibilities were on me and somehow at the end of the day I just wanted to open wine at 9, 10 and go to bed. I was not anxious at all then and I was very relieved of panic attacks. I envy that Mia who fights for Andrija 24/7, because it was very difficult for her, she did everything for Andrija and at no point did it occur to me to return home, to surrender, to whistle and ask what's for lunch today. "

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

But she faced her biggest psychological crisis two or three years ago, in parallel with the onset of the coronavirus pandemic.

"After six years of emotional agony, in which I felt neither happy nor free, the moment I felt I could move forward, I experienced a second puberty. "It was easier for me to get organized and that year before the quarantines started I started going out late, maybe it was a trigger and alcohol and I was just doing things that did not suit my age."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

"Then comes anxiety and a state of constant fear. My hands were sweating, I was not comfortable in my body and I constantly felt that something was going to happen. The feeling is as if they had announced an earthquake at 3.15 am, and now it is 1.15 pm. I did not know where that agony came from, and throughout the day I could not get up from the constant feeling of anxiety, unjustified fear and you just want the day to end because tomorrow will be better and tomorrow will never be better. "It lasted a year and a half and I was constantly consulting a psychologist."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

In addition to the feeling of anxiety, there was a depressive episode which he says is a very serious condition, much more frightening than anxiety.

"I went to Albania for a 90-day engagement and for the first time in my life I was sure of my financial situation and how it is growing and how it will grow in those moments. I was even confused as to how my financial situation changed. Before the end of my engagement in Dermi, 25 days before I returned home, something like a nervous breakdown happened to me. I was not overwhelmed, I did not have a single thought to focus on, everything flowed as easily as water, I did not need to tire my brain with anything, I was so relaxed at sea that I think this is where all my problems started. Tiana's support made me feel that I should not move a finger. "Returning to Skopje was the beginning of a depressive episode with anxiety attacks."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

"Depression started so strong somewhere around the New Year, that is, before that, somewhere in December - a period when I did not want to leave bed. It happened to me for three or four days to lie in bed, to cancel all meetings, so that I could only lie down for days and blow myself with a hair dryer. I did not understand why I was like that, it brought me ten kilos more. It is a condition that you really want to get out of, and in the same period you experience it as normal, ie as an episodic laziness that will pass. "Depression is a very serious condition and much more frightening than the anxiety that comes with constant nervousness during the day, and depression can progress much worse and take you, you know where."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

"Depression does not give you any pleasure, for example, to sit with friends, I do it because it should and I do not go with a feeling of joy. Nothing makes me happy, a straight line, complete indifference. There is nothing that makes you happy, nor is there anything that can make you sad, and that is the worst feeling. "It is better to cry than to feel nothing."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

Mia says that now, after many psychotherapies, she feels much better.

"The most important thing is to know yourself and help yourself. You will never solve it yourself, speak openly. This video is a message to all those who think that only this is happening to them, that it is a shame to have anxiety and depression and I think that raising public awareness to visit a psychologist and psychiatrist is crucial. "Depression and anxiety do not only affect the person who lives it, but also the whole family."

 

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A post shared by Mia Kostova (@miandrija)

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