For eight years, I asked people on their deathbeds what they regretted most: This was the most common answer
Bronnie Ware for eight years she was a carer in an institution where people on their deathbeds are hospitalized. Her clients knew they were seriously ill, and most were in their last weeks of life. She gradually realized that her most important role is not physical, but emotional, writes the psychologist Michael Gervais for "CNB".
She was there to listen, and she used that to collect those intimate thoughts of people on their deathbeds in her book. "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying".
In recent days, many of her patients have told her what they regret most. The most common answer was: "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expect of me."
"It is very important to try to honor at least some of your dreams before it is too late. Health brings a freedom that few realize, until the moment comes when it's gone," Ware writes in his book.
As a psychologist, this is something I see all the time with my patients. I always tell them that we need to work on developing respect for our own time in order to increase our happiness and end that hour of regret and regret.
Why is time the most valuable resource we have?
In everyday life, it's easy to forget about the effort and effort to be aligned with what we really want.
But living with the awareness of our own mortality fundamentally changes what we value and how we choose to use our time. It exposes the frivolous, empty activities that our culture often "demands" of us.
Does the response to your social media post really matter? Does it matter what car you drive? Does it matter that a group of friends kicked you out of their social circle? If they "let" you in, do you really want to spend your precious time with them?
Fully accepting the fact that we won't live forever brings our values into focus. When your dermatologist tells you to biopsy a mole because it looks suspicious, you're probably not thinking about the image you've carefully and painstakingly built to be presentable to your peers.
Once you realize that time is our most precious thing, there will no longer be a schism between the choices you want to make and the choices you actually make.
What will you regret at the end of your life?
You don't have to wait, only to look back and wish you had done things differently. You can start your list today. Simply ask yourself what do you regret at this moment?
If you want to spend more time with your two-year-old daughter, you'll probably have that same feeling of regret four decades from now. If you regret now that you opted for the comfort and security of your current job instead of chasing the stars, you will probably feel the same regret and remorse before the end of your life.
The big difference between now and then is that today you have the opportunity to do something about it!
Here's another simple exercise I love: “When you say goodbye to someone, do it as if you might never see them again. Say goodbye in a way that shows appreciation for the time you spent together."
Start with one person today. Tomorrow with two. Do it your way until it becomes part of your daily routine.