Macedonia is mourning one of the greatest tragedies in the country's recent history. On Sunday morning, a devastating fire engulfed the Pulse nightclub in Kocani, during a concert by the music group DNA. According to information so far, 59 people lost their lives and 155 were injured. Among the victims were members of DNA.

The collective pain that arises from such a tragedy is immeasurable and the entire country sympathizes with the families of the dead and injured. In such moments, the sense of security is lost, and fear, anger, sadness and helplessness are part of the psychological reactions that each of us experiences.

In an interview with "Free Press", the psychologist Ana Stojanovska explained to us how collective grief manifests itself, what its psychological consequences are, and how we can help ourselves and others in the grieving process.

How does the initial shock after such a tragedy affect our mental health? What can we do in those moments to more easily cope with emotions?

– This event brought a huge loss, first of all, to the families of the victims, but also to the entire community. We all witness the consequences of this senseless tragedy, we feel uncertainty and fear and pain for the lost children, brothers and sisters and parents. Probably everyone who heard the news of the disaster had a reaction of shock. Initially, we receive it with disbelief, a feeling that something like this cannot be real, so we seek more information, contact others to somehow check the inevitable reality. The overflow can be great at that moment, so we feel that we want this news to disappear, to turn off the TV and not share about the event with us. Shock is a reaction to a significant change that we did not want to happen. For some of us, an immediate reaction of anger and the need to find those responsible for the accident appeared. For others, grief due to the irreversibility of the loss is the initial response. In those moments, we need to contact our loved ones, we need to hear and check on those we love. To cope with emotional reactions in these moments, it is important to talk about what we feel, to connect and talk to others. To try to regulate breathing and awareness and to seek help if we are not coping effectively. In the first days after a tragedy, everyday life loses order, confusion and chaos arise and it is important to know that this is completely normal in such a situation.

When collective grief becomes too strong, how can we process it without it overwhelming us? What are the best ways to stay present and cope with the pain?

– The emotional and physical consequences of a traumatic event like this can be overwhelming for the witnesses of this accident, not just for those directly affected by the fire. The experience can bring disorientation and shock, anxiety and fear of the future, grief for the dead, anger and frustration, survivor guilt, or a mixture and waves of all these emotions. Collective grief is a complex experience and does not only contain sadness. The community loses its sense of security and fears for the future, we actively seek ways to prevent future events of this type. In the need to make sense of a senseless event like this, we can make many irrational and dangerous decisions. We are witnesses to the destructive power of collective anger that has arisen in an attempt to somehow bring justice for the unnecessary loss of life and to regain some of the lost sense of control. In these moments of overflow, it is important to be aware of the emotions we feel, not to easily engage in radical actions, to try to resist addictions or to bury ourselves in a pile of work obligations in an attempt to reduce our pain and not to isolate ourselves for a long time. As much as possible, maintain daily activities, at least basic routine habits, take care of your needs for food, sleep and movement, monitor the situation, but limit exposure to information related to the event and actively engage in the recovery of your loved ones or in the community. Ask for specific help or offer it. Do not forget that we humans are created for togetherness, do not go through the pain alone.

How should such a tragedy be explained to children and young people so that they understand it, but without creating additional fear or insecurity?

– It is important not to hide the event from children because it is highly likely that they will talk to other children in the environment, and television and social media will expose them to different information, regardless of age. It is better for us as their parents to responsibly and proactively try to explain the situation to them, in simple language, appropriate to their age. In doing so, instead of details, we should focus more on the solidarity shown by people in the crisis and the way everyone from the country and beyond came together to help. Our children need context and more words. Encourage them to share their experiences and clear up any dilemmas or misinformation surrounding the event. Their eyes are certainly looking at us, it is good for us to share what we ourselves feel in this situation. Let us emphasize to children that they are safe and emphasize that we are all focused on ensuring that such a tragedy does not happen again. Ask them what they think and feel, repeatedly, because they grieve differently than us adults, in a way that is not always obvious. As much as possible, maintain a daily routine that gives all of us, not just children, a sense of security and control over life.

Can constantly following the news about the tragedy be harmful to our psychological state? How can we strike a balance between being informed and protecting our mental health?

– It is especially important to moderate our exposure to the news and how we share it with others, in order to avoid retraumatizing, not only those affected by the tragedy but also the entire nation. Each of us is affected differently by this event and if your context at this moment allows, limit the constant monitoring of news and posts on the networks. Make a deal with yourself when you will be informed during the day, for example, decide to watch the evening news or only read the headlines at noon. Keep your daily schedule active – going to work, shopping, working with the children, and so on.

How can we best support those who have lost loved ones? What does it mean to show empathy in a way that will truly help them?

– In sympathy and support, I want to say to everyone – there is no right way to grieve. For all the families who have lost loved ones in the accident, it is important to be present, to listen and to sympathize. In grief, our presence is healing and not a small thing at all. We can offer our loved ones practical help in everyday life, to provide them with food and groceries and everything else they need. Grief is not a problem that needs to be solved, so it is better to avoid offering solutions unless they ask us to. And perhaps most importantly, to be patient and check in with our loved ones regularly. Grief takes time and needs to be experienced. In this whole process, do not forget to take care of yourself personally, because being a support for people who are in crisis is very emotionally draining.

What message would you send to the citizens of Macedonia in these difficult times?

– May the deceased rest in peace. May the injured recover quickly. We all stand with the families of the victims in sympathy and with support to get through this difficult time. The unexpected loss of life in Kocani has affected us all. We suffer collectively, we help collectively, and we will slowly recover from the loss collectively. We will be present for each other in grief and pain and continue to do so, as we have been doing until now. We provide help and support through donations and through volunteering of personal resources. We will not forget the lives lost and will continue to strive to ensure that such a tragedy does not happen again. At the same time, let us not forget – grief is collective, but each of us experiences it personally and in our own way. Give yourself space and time to deal with your feelings and in the event of being overwhelmed by any emotion, a prolonged inability to maintain basic life needs and perform everyday activities, seek help from a professional.